We all deserve the best version of ourselves.

I promised myself I wouldn't read my previous post before I wrote this one :)

As of January 1st, I started working out a little more consistently. On my worst week I worked out twice a week.

I didn't notice much difference really in my "progress photos" and by April 1st I realized I really need to change my eating habits to really see some results.

I've been doing better with portion size. I love healthy food but I also love bad food. It's a tough one to change a habit that you've had since you were a child. Anyway, I've stayed at an average of 5lbs lost as of today and my belt is fitting a little bit looser at the last (smallest) rung. Hurray for the small victories :D

My son is 18 months old now and running all over the place. I want to be able to stay active with him and to do this not only for myself but for the hubby too.

We all deserve the best version of ourselves. On with it :D

UPDATE:

I just read my new year entry :) I like that attitude. K bye!

The New Year and Aspirations

My only goal this time is to try to exercise at least 30 minutes a day. I'll count jogging, going to the gym, doing an exercise video, dancing, walking, hiking, swimming...etc as exercise.

I had hubby take pics of me yesterday since it was the 1st of the year. I don't want to psych myself out by saying "ok I want to see a difference in a month!" So all I will focus on is the exercise and nutrition and go from there.

Additionally, I am going to try to eat better. I love Chinese food and Asian foods but I need to cut down. I know a lot of places use MSG and that's bad bad bad. I am reading ingredients on labels now and if any of the first 3 ingredients are sugar I will put it down. (Chicken broth is Salt, Sugar, MSG). I'll focus on grains, vegetables, and organic/grass fed meats or fish.

I can do this, I have the power to change. I need to remind myself of that. I am not a victim to my circumstances. I've overcome many obstacles and this is simply a challenge that I can conquer.

Everyday I will try to post what my exercise was for the day. Today I am starting Day 1 of Jillian Micheal's 30 Day Shred.


Well, here's to a new start!

The New Parent Drinking Game

I recently read about the "Shark Week Drinking Game" and thought it would be funny to come up with the New Parent Drinking Game. Except if you're nursing you might have to take shots of something healthy of course :D

Take a shot every time:

1. Someone says "Our little angel started sleeping through the night within the first 3 months"
2. Some says "You know, breast is best"
3. You get peed on
4. You get spit up on
5. You get poo'd on
6. Baby starts crying once you sit down for dinner
7. Baby starts crying as soon as you step in the shower
8. Someone says "Just nap when baby naps"
9. A mother compares her parenting style to yours
10. You have to start considering "cry it out" methods, in that case, take a few shots and go for it

Forgiveness, and Self-Worth

It's National Forgiveness Day today. It's ok if you didn't know that, I forgive you.

Anyway, it made me think about the act of forgiving and being forgiven.

Do you ever say you are sorry just so someone can say it back? I have, and it doesn't feel the same when that person apologizes immediately after.

Sometimes we count on others for our self-worth. Whether it's by receiving compliments, being told "You are right", or being apologized to. It seems like such an egotistical thing, but it is so engrained in our being.

I want to start being more selfless. Letting go of the ego. I don't want to want to hear how I was right about an argument, or fish for compliments. If these things do happen, it should just be the sugar on top.

It's hard letting go of the ego. Time to be in the moment.

"Me" Time

A good friend of mine just recently went through a bad break-up (they were practically married, well they were in spirit, but not legally, long story).

Anyway, now she's feeling the loss of not having a family and is considering having a baby. So I told her it really is an amazing thing. My only doubt with it, is she is at such a pivotal moment in her life. She is just coming out of a heavy depression. She's changed so much already to become more healthy mentally and physically. What I told her about having a baby is your "me" time diminishes greatly.

She asked me what I meant by "me" time and for some reason, maybe because I haven't been sleeping so great due to my sonshine - I could only say "um, you know, like having your hair look nice when you leave the house..."

Anyway, I can't believe the following didn't spill out of my mouth. These are the things I either have to do with an eye on the baby or have someone watch him:

1. Using the restroom
2. Taking a shower
3. Brushing my teeth
4. Painting my nails
5. Putting my make up on
6. Going to get my hair done
7. Going to the gym/exercising 
8. Going out for a drink
9. Spa day
10. Nap whenever I want to
11. Running errands on a whim (I have to consider if he's napped yet, or what his feeding schedule is like)
12. Long road trips

I can probably say more, but these little things - and I know a lot of them are literally 'cosmetic', but these things I miss taking my time on. Don't get me wrong, my amazing husband helps me out so much, but my point is, from now on, everything I do needs to take consideration for my lil ray of sonshine and who can help or how do I get him into the same room with me while I do it.

Lastly, I did tell her I wouldn't take it back for anything in the world and there's definitely the trade off and I would be supportive of whatever she decides.

The days immediately following one of the biggest days of your life

Post-partum depression. I'd heard the term before. I remember thinking "why would someone be sad when they just had a baby?". "Brooke Shields was probably just bummed she wasn't on her own anymore and had to take care of someone else. How selfish."

I couldn't have been more wrong. I recently read this post by Allie Brosh re: her depression. This chick is hilarious, although it seems weird to talk about her hilarity and depression at the same time. The part that stuck out to me the most was where she's drinking juice and her eyes are welling up with tears.

This happened with me and sushi. Now, you might think they were tears of joy because I missed the sushi so much. But I started downright crying right in the middle of dinner. My husband couldn't understand what I was going through.

It always happened at night. During the day, it was rays of sunshine and happiness with my new little baby boy. "I got this!" I would say. Then come 5pm and I'm thinking "Oh shit, I've made a terrible mistake" (having a child).

Now, the mistake wasn't having him, it was more of "what type of world did I bring him into??". Watching America's Most Wanted or even just the news propelled this fear even further.

I wasn't prepared to love someone this much. I knew love. I love my husband dearly. He's my best friend and my other half, my soul mate. But he can take care of himself too, he's a grown man.

My thoughts changed after baby. All of a sudden my son and he were to be protected from everything. I didn't want my husband losing any sleep. I felt bad if he had to go back to work. I felt terrible if he had to put the dishes away. I should be doing that! I should wake up in the morning and make him breakfast! I will stay up with the baby all night!

Anyway, things have changed now. I've stopped trying to do everything at once I do one or two things a night. Dishes and dinner tonight. Laundry and tidy up another. The house is still a mess. Although, I can say I'm happier now that I've stopped trying to be the "hero". It's ok if the clean clothes lay around on the couch for a week. It's ok if we get food delivered.

All I can do is be the best me and love my husband and son. I've come to accept the fact that I can't protect them from everything (you should have seen the look I gave his dr when he gave him his immunizations.) I can't stop him from crying if he's going to cry. I can only offer comfort and my undying love and support. I can just be me and know that they love and accept that.

Family trip to LA

This past weekend we went up north to LA from San Diego to visit my family. They've only seen my son a couple times so this was a real treat for all of us.

But of course, we chose the hottest weekend so far of the year to go. 100 degress in Chatsworth! We were going to stay at my grandma's but decided we needed a mega air conditioner to deal, so we stayed at a hotel.

My grandma, brother (and his 8 month old son), and sister showed up and we had pizza. It was fun seeing the babies interact with each other, and to see the joy on my family's face.

Here are some pics from the trip. The one in plaid shorts is my son, he's here with his cousin and great grandma: